Why Are The Lights Flashing?: Student On X & Cocaine Joyrides Ambulance, Wanks In Police Dept.

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What do you get when you cross a couple of lines of cocaine and Halloween, mdma? A box of Wheat Thins, a blanket, and an entire mess of criminal charges, seemingly. Thats what occurred to 18-year old Colorado State pupil Stefan Sortland anyhow, following what must have been one hell of a Halloween bash.

Sortland ingested affectionately as Molly, or MDMA, commonly known as ecstasy on the road. Then he chased it down with cocaine, according to reports. And lets face it, if youre not old and partying hard, most probably youre smoking and drinking a little grass, also, particularly when you consider this hilarious crime spree happened in Fort Collins, Colorado. Colorado, as the remaining part of the country really understands, is among the first states in the country to legalize recreational pot.

Witnesses say the mixture of the drug cocktails Sortland was mixing up that he was eventually given seizures by night, but shortly he recuperated, and thats when things began to get extremely interesting.

Upon regaining his composure, comparatively speaking (of course) Sortland subsequently started smashing the windows out of several automobiles in an effort to steal them. In that procedure, he stumbled onto an ambulance that was empty, and you thought it, he stole it! What a ride!

Patient in hand, prepared to head off to the local hospital, they stood scratching their heads in disbelief, staring at the place theyd parked the saving vehicle, when paramedics came back outside of theyd been.


Stefan Sortland mugshot (Courtesy of

Sortlands joy ride in the ambulance didnt last long, yet, before local authorities tracked it down using a GPS monitoring system. He had left the vehicle when they came upon him, and was just several miles away. Sortland was standing next to the ambulance with a hospital blanket around his shoulders, noshing on a box of Wheat Thins as they pulled up. (Notice the munchies as another telltale indication that Sortland was most probably also smoking pot that night.)

Sortland refused to give up the blanket and the crackers when cops approached him.

It appears authorities would have had to pull on the Wheat Thins from his cold, dead hands. Instead, while they scrutinized the ambulance for damages they used a stun gun on him and smacked him in cuffs.

Sadly, the ambulance was discovered to be in less than immaculate state, evidencing hints of numerous fender benders from Sortlands joyride. Turning back toward searching the suspect after scrutinizing the saving answer vehicle, authorities also discovered Adderall for which Sortland didn’t have a prescription.

Before being taken away to the Loveland Police Department, Sortland exclaimed:

Why are the lights flashing on the automobiles?


The nighttime doesnt stop there, however, surprisingly. Not by a long shot.

It appears Molly got the best of him after arrested into detention. Sortland obviously couldnt help himself. According to authorities, Sortland kicked the wall, stood on a seat, and masturbated.

Authorities claim theyd seen such a tantrum as they were given by Sortland.

Sortland afterwards apologized for pulling on away one in the section, but not as they tried to bring him some food before assaulting two distinct policemen hours after. Policemen say Sortland supposedly struck one policeman in the face, leading to a concussion for the policeman. Another policeman, wound up with a sprained finger and upset a fellow policeman was assaulted, stepped in.

Now, as you might anticipate, Sortland is facing charges of anything from aggravated vehicle larceny, to assault, attempted motor vehicle theft, hit and run, criminal mischief, reckless driving, obstructing EMS staff, together with unlawful possession of a controlled substance for the Adderall.

Right, but hey, thats school? It’s mandatory that you sow your Wheat Thins sometime.

H/T: / (Featured picture courtesy of Facebook)

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